Valid Delusions
by ohdarlingnicole
Summary: "No. You will not get girl feelings about Dick Casablancas. You will not."


"Mackie?" his voice filtered through the phone.

"What's up, Dick? You ready for me to kick your ass tomorrow?"

"Yeah, about that…."

"What?"

"Can we do it some other time? Something came up."

"Oh, um," Mac stuttered, looking down at her papers on her desk. "Yeah, sure. I guess."

"Awesome," Dick chirped, sounding relieved.

"So, what is it?"

"What?"

"The thing that came up? It's gotta be pretty big for Dick Casablancas to postpone a _Halo _marathon."

"Oh, well, um, there's this girl—"

"Say no more. I don't want to here about Big Dick's conquests."

She heard him take a breath. "It isn't like that, Mac."

"What?"

"I really like this girl. She isn't like the other ones." "The other ones" being the girls that Dick brought home for a night and then never saw afterwards.

"Mac?" he asked and she realized that she hadn't responded.

"Oh, yeah, sorry," she said quickly. "Um…good for you, Dick. I'm glad that you, um, yeah." She blushed, feeling foolish that she couldn't articulate her words.

"Thanks, Mac," he said and she could just see his grin. "So, I'll see you later?"

"Yeah, yup. That's cool. Yup." _Oh, my God. Just shut up._

"Don't think this doesn't mean I won't kick your ass later, Mackenzie."

"You wish, Casablancas."

"Later, dude," he chuckled and the line went dead.

She stared at the spread of papers in front of her, trying to study for the test she had in a couple days. The words all blurred together and she couldn't focus, she had a knot in her stomach and she didn't want to think about the reason.

She pushed herself away from her desk and flopped down on her bed. She pulled out her phone.

"Magnificent Mars, at your service."

"Hey, V."

"What's up, Q?"

Mac sighed and pulled herself upright. "What are you doing tomorrow?"

"I have this thing with Logan. Why?"

"I thought we could have some…I don't know…I think they call it 'girl time'?"

"I thought you were having a _Halo _marathon with Dick."

"He cancelled."

"What?" Veronica asked. "He cancelled?"

"Yeah."

"Dick, _Dick Casablancas_, the Dick that has blonde hair and an IQ that is less than satisfactory, that Dick, cancelled a _videogame marathon_?"

"Yup."

"This could be Invasion of the Body Snatchers."

"No, just the pull of the female persuasion."

"Oh, ew."

"It's not like that. He really likes her."

"Really likes her." Veronica repeated.

"Apparently."

"Like, future-girlfriend-material likes her?"

The knot in Mac's stomach got tighter. "That was heavily implied."

"Oh," Veronica said quietly. "Are you okay?"

"What? Of course I'm okay. Why wouldn't I be okay?"

"No reason," Veronica replied quickly. Mac knew she was lying, but she didn't want to push it.

"I have to go. I have to study for my poli-sci exam."

"Alright. Well, if you want me to, I can cancel with Logan tomorrow."

"Nah. It's cool. We can't have to many people cancel plans. It'll be anarchy."

"Okay, if you're sure."

"Bye, Bond."

"Bye, Q."

Mac threw her phone on her comforter and ran a hand through her hair.

So what if Dick ditched her to hang out with another girl? It wasn't like they were dating or anything. They just hung out and watched movies and played videogames and shit. They were friends. Friends hung out. And that's what she and Dick did. If Dick got a girlfriend, an actual, real deal girlfriend, it wouldn't change anything between them. That would be absurd. She could play videogames with other people.

Other people that didn't have piercing blue eyes and a sense of humor that made her laugh every time.

"What?" she said aloud. _No. You will not get girl feelings about Dick Casablancas. You will not._ She shook her head and went back to her desk, doing her best to ignore the feeling in her gut.

* * *

"That's not fucking fair!" Dick wailed as Mac shot him in the head.

"I told you I would kick your ass, and kick your ass I did," she smirked.

"You're being unusually brutal tonight, Mackie."

"Am not," Mac scoffed. "You're just being extra whiney."

"Whatever, dude," Dick muttered and he got up off the couch. "Want a beer?"

"No, thanks," she said as she watched him head to the kitchen.

It had been a week since he cancelled the marathon and this was the first time that their schedules allowed them to have the "all-day awesome fest", as Dick put it. It had been a week since that knot was in her stomach and she just chalked it up as a symptom of stress. From the exam.

Dick came back, beer in hand, and sat down next to her. "Alright, Mac. You ready to be destroyed?" he wiggled his eyebrows.

She looked at him. "You're adorable."

"That's what they say."

He started the game and she immediately got the upper hand. Dick cursed loudly and she felt a laugh bubble up. Dick leaned forward in concentration, knocking Mac's knee with his.

Mac jumped at the contact. She stared at her knee, still touching his. Where his skin met hers, there was heat. Mac could definitely feel it and she could definitely sense her heartbeat speeding up and the blush creep from her neck. _Oh, God. What's happening to me?_

"Booyah!" Dick announced as he jumped up. "You, Cindy Mackenzie, just got annihilated."

Her eyes snapped to the TV screen and sure enough, her avatar was lying on the ground, bleeding out. "Shit," she hissed.

He smirked at that. "I am the _Halo _master."

"Oh, please. One win over about thirty loses does not a master make," Mac muttered.

"Aww. Are little Cindy's feelings hurt?" he cooed.

"Shut up."

Dick got a sly grin on his face and before she could react, he had launched himself on the couch, tickling her.

"Oh, my God," Mac got out between fits of giggles. "Dick, stop!" He was on top of her now, and the weight of him made it kind of hard to breath, but she could feel his muscles through his shirt.

"Not until you say, 'Dick is the _Halo _king.'"

"You're so stupid!" she screamed, her face turning red from laughing.

"Say it!"

"Never!"

"Say it or I won't stop."

"No!"

She turned her head slightly to find that Dick's lips were inches away from hers. He stopped tickling her. The only thing she could here was the sound of them breathing. Her heart was beating so loud, she was sure he could hear it. It became worse when she saw his gaze flicker from her eyes to her lips, as if he was making a decision.

Just then, his phone went off, blaring off "Kiss Me" by Sixpence None the Richer. Dick got off of her—the loss of his weight was instantly obvious—and rushed to his phone.

"Jamie?" he answered and Mac tried not to feel sick. "You're here?" _Oh, God._ "Okay, yeah. Sure. I'll see you in a bit, I guess." He hung up with a smile.

"Hey, you don't mind, do you, Mac?" he asked. "If Jamie hangs?"

"Oh, no. Of course not." Mac said, in what she hoped was a casual manner. Not that Dick would notice. He had a dreamy-eyed, lovesick look about him.

"Cool. I think you'll like her. She's aweso—" he was interrupted by a knock at the door and he practically skipped to answer it.

When he was back in Mac's sight, a girl followed him. She was pretty, by every standard. Mac would go so far as to say beautiful, but she couldn't bring herself to.

She was a redhead, which was different. Dick liked them blonde. ("Gotta keep those Aryan genes going," he would say when she would make fun of his habits.) She had bright green eyes and a bow-shaped mouth. It wasn't very hard to see why Dick would like her.

"Mac," he said, bringing her back to the situation at hand. "Mac, this is Jamie. Jamie, this is Mac."

"It's so nice to meet you," Jamie said with her hand out. Mac took it. "Dick's told me a lot."

"Likewise."

"So, what are y'all doing?"

"Mac and I were just in the middle of a _Halo _marathon. You want in?"

"Actually," Mac interjected, "I gotta go."

Dick's face fell. "What?"

"Yeah. I'm sorry. I just, um, remembered about my test in political science."

"You just took one…?"

_Shit._

"My professor's a hard ass." She grabbed her bag and slung it over her shoulder. "It was so nice to meet you, Jamie. I'm sorry for having to dash like this, but the political world waits for no man. Here," she handed the girl her remote. "Make sure he stays in line." She glanced at Dick. "Later."

"Wait, Mac—" he called out, but she cut him off by shutting the door.

She waited until she was in the elevator before she let her knees weaken and she crouched down with her head in her hands.

"Fuck."

* * *

"He knows you're avoiding him," Veronica said with her hand on the doorknob.

"I'm not avoiding him," she sighed.

"Mac," Veronica said, eyebrow quirked.

"What?" Mac snapped.

Veronica studied her a moment, then, seeing she would get nowhere, raised her hands in surrender. "Okay, whatever." She opened the door and left the apartment.

Mac trudged back to her room. She let herself fall on her bed, staring at the ceiling.

_I'm not avoiding him, _she thought and rolled her eyes. _Yes, I am. Damn it._ She groaned and rolled over on her stomach.

She hadn't spoken to him in two weeks. She had screened all his calls and left his texts unanswered. The one time she did text him was to decline his invitation for a _Star Wars _marathon—he didn't even like _Star Wars _that much, he just knew that that was the one thing that would bring her out of the shadows—but she replied that she was busy. He immediately called her three times after that, but she had let them all go to voicemail.

She did see him, though. It was two days ago, at The Bean. She entered, hoping for a nice soy latte, and saw that he was sitting with Jamie and walked right back out.

It was just easier this way. She could avoid her feelings if she avoided the cause of said feelings. It was better for both of them. She was broken and so was he but, somehow she couldn't see them being broken together without exploding.

And Mac didn't need an exploding relationship. She had that once and it ended with her naked and abandoned in a hotel room.

Mac winced at the thought of Cassidy. She was over it, but it still stung. Something was digging into her thigh and she reached in the pocket of her jeans to pull out her phone.

She checked the screen.

_0 New Messages._

He had given up. She was simultaneously relieved and hurt by that. But, this was for the best. Maybe, when this was all blown over, they could go back to the _Halo-_playing, bantering people that they were.

_Yeah, right._

She bit her lip and tapped her finger on his last voicemail.

_"__Mac. It's…um…it's me. Dick. Uh, look. I know that you're busy and all—no. You and I both know that's bullshit, so I won't even try. Uh. Listen. I'm going to stop calling and texting you after this message. I swear. Um…I just want to let you know that I honestly don't know what I did and I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Mac. And I just…I just need you to talk to me so you can tell me what I did so I can apologize for real and not feel like the world's biggest douche. And I've felt like the world's biggest douche a lot of times, but this time it, um, it feels worse. And it sucks. Like, it sucks the biggest balls. I…I um…I miss you, Mac. No one can play videogames like you and I can't play at the frat anymore because I keep pummeling them and they're a bunch of pussies about that shit, so. Just…just, um. Call me. Or text me. Or send a fucking telegram. I don't care. Just talk to me. Please."_

God, she was the biggest bitch on the planet.

She felt a tear trickle out of her eye and down the side of her face. She fucked everything up. He was probably better off Jamie anyway. Jamie didn't have baggage labeled "Your murderer younger brother". Jamie was pretty. He could take Jamie to places and events and not have people stare. Jamie was good.

Jamie wasn't damaged.

"Shit," she muttered as she wiped the tears off if her face.

There was a knock at the door. Mac rose off of her bed and headed for the door. It was probably Veronica, coming over to get something she left by accident.

"Forget someth—" Mac started, and then froze when she saw who it was.

"Dick."

He was standing there, hands in his pockets, golden hair brushed out of his face, his blue eyes full of something that she didn't quite recognize. Was that…anger?

"Can I come in?" he asked in a clipped tone.

She nodded and moved out of the way to let him in the apartment. He twirled on her as she was shutting the door.

"What the hell, Mac?" he all but screamed.

She stumbled backwards against the hard wood of the door. She expected anger, but she didn't expect this.

"Dick—"

He ran a hand down his face, calming himself. "Did I do something? Tell me, please, did I do something? Because, _I swear_, Mac. I swear, I didn't mean to."

"You didn't do anything."

"Then, please. Explain why you've basically dropped off the face of the earth."

"I've just been really busy with stuff—"

"Don't give me that shit, Mac. I may not be the smart one here, but I'm not stupid," he sneered.

She felt tears well up behind her eyes and a lump form in her throat, but she pushed it down. "I figured you'd want to spend time with Jamie—"

"No. The real reason, Mac. That's what I want. And I figure I deserved the truth, given that you've been a real bitch lately."

That made her burn. Sure, she had been a bitch, but him calling her one was unbelievable.

"You want the truth?"

"Yes!"

_Fine._ "I couldn't be around you."

"What?"

"I couldn't be around you when I knew that you were with her because it was too hard and it hurt too much. Because, we were hanging out a lot and for some reason, I had these…these _delusions_ that I know have _absolutely _no validity to them and I couldn't handle seeing you with her—"

"They're valid," he said quietly.

"What?"

"Your 'delusions'. They're valid," he said again with a sad smile.

"But, Jamie…."

"There is no Jamie."

"What?"

"She dumped me. Yeah. She basically told me that she didn't want to be with me if I wasn't available. Apparently, my heart already belongs to someone else."

She didn't breathe.

"Of course, you would know that if you would just pick up your goddamn phone, but hey, I guess I can't have everything."

The tears that she had been holding in suddenly broke free and there she was, sobbing uncontrollably in front of Dick Casablancas.

Mac didn't even realize that he had moved until she felt his warmth envelop her. He rested his head on the top of hers, his strong arms holding her close.

"Goddamn it," he whispered in her hair. "I thought we left the dramatic shit to Logan and Ronnie."

She laughed.

He pulled back to look at her. "I'm serious. We are never doing this again. None of this shit. We'll be the couple that plays videogames and has crazy, hot, mind-blowing sex and everyone will be jealous of us because we're just so awesome."

"We'll have to argue sometimes, Dick."

"I know that, but we won't do this no-talking-for-two-weeks thing. And an argument didn't even happen for that. The longest we'll go without speaking after an argument will be thirty minutes. Okay? If that, because I _need_ to talk to you, Mac. If I only had you to talk to an no one else, I would be the happiest dude in the universe."

She looked up at him. He was gazing at her like she had all the answers to all of the questions. It was terrifying, but at the same time, it filled her with a warmth that spread all the way down to her toes.

He brought his hands to cup her face, wiping away the trails that the tears. He then traced her bottom lip with his thumb.

"Oh, just kiss me already, asshole."

His face broke out in a grin and he brought his face down to hers.

The kiss was soft and earnest and it made her whole body tingle. She wanted more, but Dick broke them apart.

"I love you, Ghost World," he said, his face full of vulnerability and anticipation and it made her heart burst.

"I love you, too, Dick."

As he brought his lips back to hers, she realized that two broken people could mend together.


End file.
